I am seeing many more women in business today, and know from communication with my friends there are so many women virtually taking over every area of society. This may seem wonderful women are doing so well today, but- I feel much freedom of expression and seemingly lack of sufficient feeling for others may be hurting us and other women in our individual relationships. I witness the more hurtful treatment of boys in schools and see how boys and men are now given more patronization and even more cool, civil treatment in stores, restaurants, offices, employment, and other areas, mostly with a female lead and/or male patron or subordinate.
While we all know the media and our schools have modeled this behavior in the past. I feel the sheer numbers of more women and fewer men in those areas have maybe given, more license or freedom for women to use more firm, authoritative, or patronizing words, tones, inflections towards men. Being from a small town, but imagining this happens in larger towns, I have witnessed many times where the boy or man is acting very sincere and respectful. At the same time, the female representative or manager will act with more formalism, authoritative or patronising. I feel such conduct as modeled within our schools and the media has virtually given institutional license for this conduct too many women today.
I have a question – I feel our individual relationships are greatly affected by our collective feelings, fears, and defenses generated by our collective experience with others from different groups, even by gender. I feel those experiences can either be a positive or in this case, create a very negative preparation for defense and distrust. With this said, I feel although many boys have been taught to very respectful of girls and women, even the most sincere and kind boys and men may be accumulating much more stored hurt and even much more anger today. I feel these feelings may be leeching off into their closeness or more distance within their individual relationships with girls and women due to a mounting hurt, distrust, and preparation for defense. I feel this may even slowly damage previous long-term relationships with boys and men.
To add more hurt and perhaps more resentment from boys and men, I feel there are some unseen variables/values at work which are also driving boys and men towards failure, lowered esteem, and more hurt/insecurity. I feel our stress is not defined correctly. I feel when our stress is defined as many maintained layers of mental work from many past, present, future – experiences, fears, needs, circumstances, and preparation for defense-generated over time, this can create very real differences in layers of average stress which take up real mental space leaving less mental energy for thinking, learning, motivation, reflection time, etc. So when we see average stress as accumulated maintained layers, we can then see how differential treatment given to boys to make them tough along with less caring for fear of coddling boys is creating the very downward mobility for boys and men in school and the workplace.
We can also then see how the more correct treatment we as girls and women are given is creating much more success academically and now, economically. I feel the protection and support we are receiving from everyone is also creating the very negative, lack of feeling for others and much more freeness of expression we have and are enjoying from infancy today.
I feel also the belief boys should be strong is creating more harm to another, unseen, very harmful way. I feel boys and men are given love and honor, the essentials of self-worth, only on condition of some achievement or status. Boys not achieving sufficiently are given more ridicule, discipline, and even abuse by parents, teachers, others. I feel this accepted treatment continues even into adulthood for men. I feel the changes in the information age, creating more failing boys/men and many more successful girls and women may create a terrible imbalance and perhaps much more hatred between genders in the future. I fear already, many more men today are becoming more wary of women in every area of society as a result of their many past experiences. I feel this already creating more distance between genders. A question, is my perception occurring today? Could this be slowly reaching down to boys and girls in school? Is this idea being researched as to possible negative social consequences of future relationships?
By Lynn Oliver